Om mijn dikke bierpens enigszins onder controle te houden trek ik mezelf elke zondag van mijn vertrouwde bank af om mij een weg te banen naar de sportschool. Daar ga ik dan een beetje trainen en heel toevallig is mijn sparringsmaat een Turk. En wat doen Turken? Juist, die maken kebab. Deze dan toevallig niet, maar hij is toch een Turk want hij heeft een groentewinkel.
Buiten dat wij zo op de zondag een beetje op elkaar staan in te beuken, babbelen we ook wel eens over koetjes en kalfjes wat er lang geleden al voor zorgde dat hij op de hoogte is geraakt van mijn kebabfetish. Dit greep hij onlangs dan ook met beide handen aan om mij uit te nodigen om naar de kebabtoko te gaan die een kennis van hem onlangs had geopend. “Luister,” zei ik, “ik wil best met je mee maar je mag die gast niet vertellen dat ik een kebabreport ga maken anders gaat hij zijn best doen enzo en kan ik nooit een objectief report maken.” Dat werd volledig begrepen en afgelopen zondag togen wij na de training dan ook opgewekt naar de Kinkerstraat 230 alwaar het eten van de kebab plaats zou gaan vinden.
Nadat ik nog eenmaal had gevraagd of hij zeker wist dat hij zijn kebabgrillende kennis niet op de hoogte had gesteld, wat bevestigend werd beantwoord, betraden wij het establisement. Het interieur was strak en fris, net als de temperatuur. Sterker nog, het leek binnen wel net zo koud als buiten. En afgelopen zondag was een heel koude dag! De muren waren kaal en wit en de bankjes hadden een limoengroene kleur. Limoengroen is mijn favoriete kleur groen want die doet me altijd denken aan het limoentje dat op het randje van mijn margaritacocktail zit, mijn favoriete cocktail als ik mijn meer vrouwelijke kant, want cocktails drinken is voor wijven en nichten, de sfeer laat bepalen, en ook als partje in mijn corona als ik bij wijze van hoge uitzondering mezelf niet in een zwart gat zuip met aanbiedingsbier.
Helemaal achterin de zaak stond de kebalie met de kebabboer. Het welbekende fotomenu hangt erboven en dat komt altijd van pas. Vaak spreken kebabboeren namelijk alleen maar gammelagammela omdat het geimporteerde woestijnbewoners zijn die hier illegaal verblijven en dus niet in aanmerking komen voor een taalcursus, de taalcursus die trouwens ook vaak wordt geskipt door de legale woestijnbewoners hier, en dan kan je als racistische onderbuik PVV-tokkie gewoon aanwijzen wat je wilt vreten met je dronken harses, wel zo makkelijk. De kebalie is gevuld met de standaard meuk. Tomaat, ijsbergsla en ui maar ook met kaas en feta. De kebabboer maakt namelijk ook kapsalons, iets wat mijn maat eerst nog in mijn mik wil douwen maar waarvan ik hem gelukkig kan weerhouden nadat ik hem weer eens heb overtuigd dat kaas goor is en dat ik ook geen feta vreet omdat Fransen een ongelooflijk kutvolk zijn.
Nog even probeert hij mij te overtuigen dat we een durum moeten nemen en zelfs het gaan verorberen van een andere dooddierbereiding dan keba b komt heel even ter sprake. Ik kijk hem strak aan en zwijg. We nemen twee maal het donerkebab menu. Een broodje kebab met friet en een frisdrank voor, meen ik, zo’n zes eurootjes.
We nemen plaats in de ijzige kou aan een schoon tafeltje. Alle tafeltjes waren trouwens schoon, de kebabboer zorgt voor een propere toko, wat ook makkelijk kan want wij zaten er als enigen, en heel voorzichtig informeer ik of mijn maat weet dat het hier een keten betreft. “Jazeker,” antwoordt hij, “daarom is Hoetsieknoetsie (of wat de naam van de uitbater ook was) er ook niet, die heeft dit alleen als investering.” Dat doet me goed om te horen want dat maakt het alleen maar aannemelijker dat de kebabboer echt niet op de hoogte is gesteld van het mogelijke bezoek van een kebabreporter.
Intussen is de kebabboer toe aan de finishing touch en roept het welbekende “Alles erop?” Nog eenmaal leg ik hem uit dat feta is alsof je met je lekkere broodje van de Dappermarkt naar de Marnixkade loopt om te gaan smikkelen en er een vies oud wijf uit een goot opstapt en met flinke spetters over je voedsel begint te hoesten. De kebabboer begrijpt dat volkomen en we krijgen allebei zo’n McD-plateau met daarop het broodje doner, een zakje franse frietjes, speciale HAS-saus en de frisdrank.
Wat meteen opvalt is de superverse salade die bovenop mijn broodje ligt, hoewel wat groenvoer door mijn kebab prima is, is dit een slecht voorteken. Het zou er immers op kunnen duiden dat dit een negatieve invloed heeft op de verdeling. Helaas blijkt mijn angst niet ongegrond en moet ik mij eerst door de salade heenknagen voordat ik terecht kom bij waar het allemaal om draait, kebab. Het is kip. Veel meer keuze is er ook niet want de kebabboer heeft maar een spit. En hoewel ik een grote fan ben van kip van het spit ben ik helemaal geen fan van kipkebab. Ik vind het niet smerig ofzo, tenzij er feta opzit dan, maar ik wil liever gewoon lam. En als het niet anders kan kalf. Maar goed, als de kipkebab lekker gekruid en goed gegrilld is, dan is het gewoon een broodje kip en dat kan natuurlijk prima smaken. Het grote nadeel van een keten is natuurlijk wel dat je een product moet hebben dat je breed kan verkopen. Als je standaard spekjes door je salade doet kan je een heel groot deel van kebabminnend Nederland niet als kebabclient verwachten in je zaak. Het product raakt daardoor al snel heel oppervlakkig en, hoe jammer dat ook is, is dat hier ook het verhaal. De kebab is nauwelijks gekruid, precies gaar gegrilld, zonder tikje extra wat het zo lekker kan maken, en de saus, die nauwelijks aanwezig is maar waarvan ik kleursporen van witte en rode saus meen te herkennen, is qua smaak zelfs volledig afwezig. De verdeling snap je zelf ook wel na mijn gezeik over de salade. De frieten zijn wel heel lekker en de speciale HAS-saus heeft veel weg van de saus bij de McD en daar is natuurlijk niets mis mee. Het broodje heeft wel een aangename omvang, is goed gevuld en lekker vers.
Omdat de temperatuur in de hut er inmiddels voor begon te zorgen dat mijn tenen begonnen af te sterven besluiten we het toetje, ik wil baklava, ergens anders tot ons te nemen. Bij Kismet, een stukje verder in de straat. Dat HAS-doner geen baklava heeft speelt hierbij ook een rol (haha) trouwens. Bij Kismet, wat er echt uitziet zoals je verwacht van een turkse kebabtoko worden we warm welkom geheten door een vrouw die ons vieze koffie en heerlijke baklava serveert. Er hangt ook een dus spit. Wellicht dat ik de volgende keer hier kebab ga eten want de HAS is het gewoon niet. Overigens zit naast HAS een hut die Simit sarayi heet en wat er uitziet als een Turks grand cafe. Niet dat ik weet hoe een Turks grand cafe eruitziet maar dit is hoe ik het me voorstel. Als die rakkers kebab hebben overtreffen ze vast de twee schapen, 1 voor de versheid van het brood en de salade en 1 omdat het de kennis van mijn maat is, van de buren.
https://www.google.nl/maps/place/Kinkerstraat+230,+1053+Amsterdam/@52.3655618,4.8660423,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x47c5e20a8e7f9e79:0xcd19f47faabdf4c6?hl=nl
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