maak me looooos!
Ik had het onzalige idee opgevat om eens een rondje Wallen te doen.
Niet voor al die vrouwen die geheel vrijwillig hun lijf en leden geven aan passerende geile mannen, maar voor een rondje ongetwijfeld verschrikkelijke kebab.
Al snel bleek Jan een goede compaan om op deze zonnige middag het Infamous Red Light District te bezoeken.
Nou ja, infamous? Geen seedy ass zwerver te zien, geen “Psssst, coke? Pillen?”, geen STAPELS hoeren, geen belwinkel, geen bier drinken op straat en geen lamme brit in bananenpak.
De Wallen zijn een beetje…mak?
Haal je helemaal blij op vakantie wat bier bij de Appie op de Nieuwmarkt, word je staande gehouden door een zooi knalgele BOA’s die meteen boetes gaan staan rammen.
Jaar gespaard om EIN-DE-LIJK eens ECHT stoned te worden tussen de hoeren met je Spaanse matties, flop…boetes voor drinken in Sodom en Gomorra! Ik ben vast niet de enige die het nogal sneu vind allemaal. En die BOA’s…jongen, die laten mn handen jeuken.
Ik bleef staan als een ramptoerist om de scene in me op te nemen, meteen alarm in zn ogen. Oh shit, we komen in een Hoek van Holland-achtige situatie terecht! Mag ik al schieten?! Ah toe!
Ze voelen zich een soort cowboys op het parkeerdak van de Ikea. Frogger spelend, koprollend, met hun leven dollend.
Ala, fuck it ook verder. Suffe gasten.
Dus Jan at dat eerste broodje, wat wel grappig was. Ook die twee broodjes-truc die de kebabber wilde pullen…haha, het begon goed.
We vervolgden onze weg om zigzaggend de Wallen te bestrijken, van CS tot de Damstraat.
Voor ik boe of ba kon zeggen, liepen we de Korte Niezel op, waar je als toerist wordt uitgelachen door verschillende aannemers.
Bij de Pizza King (die tegenover de Snack King zit) bestelde ik kebab.
Deze kostte me vier euro’s en negentig centen.
Er werd een bolletje in een magnetron gegooid, daar ging wat sla in, wat kip op, wat sla in, wat kip op en een hele berg sla in.
Kirrend van valsigheid en plezier begon ik te knabbelen aan mn ..GATVERDOMME! Dat lijkt wel steen man!
Oh, alleen de buitenste randjes van mn vlees zijn keihard. Aha, duidelijk.
Het bolletje was waardeloos; zacht, lauw en kleffig.
De kip was oud, hard en geen reet aan.
De sla was OVERDADIG. Die gozer lacht zich rot, een beetje ijsbergsla en steen verpatsen voor vijf euro de pop.
Genoeg erover geluld; het broodje werd gedoneerd aan de vogels, die het zich goed lieten smaken.
https://www.google.nl/maps/place/San+Thomas+Pizza+King/@52.3872094,4.9173654,14z/data=!4m5!1m2!2m1!1spizza+king+lange+niezel!3m1!1s0x47c609b9a9b479bf:0x56564ebddffdc4cd?hl=nl
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