Het lot bracht mij afgelopen maandag in de Hanzestad Zwolle. Ik dook ’s avonds meteen even het ghetto van deze stad in op zoek naar wat vlees. En of dat nou varken, lam, koe, paard of slachtafval zou zijn, was mij om het even. Als het maar smaakt. Toch valt er over de smaak van dit broodje wel wat te zeggen, maar daarover later meer.
Drie in één
Omdat ik al weer enige tijd ben afgestudeerd maar nog steeds me diploma niet had opgehaald, leek mij deze koude januaridag een mooi moment om een ander te combineren. twee en half uur treinen voor zoiets nutteloos als een diploma leek mij iets te veel van het goede dus heb meteen maar drie vliegen in één klap geslagen.
Nadat mijn diploma in me rugtas zat werd het tijd voor het leuke deel van deze reis. Zo stond ik niet veel later op een besneeuwde krib van de IJssel bij Kampen mijn hengel op te tuigen. Bevoren draad en ijs op de topogen van mijn hengel zorgden ervoor dat het een moeizaam en visdagje werd. Nou zit de vis in de winter sowieso niet echt aan de zijkanten van de rivier maar goed, ik hoopte op een snoekbaars die uit zijn school gezet was en nu eenzaam over de rivier zwom op zoek naar gezelschap.
Een paar koude uren later werd het tijd voor deel drie en voor jullie het belangrijkste deel van mijn reis: een kebabtoko testen!
Ik fietste inmiddels over de Melkmarkt in hartje Zwolle op zoek naar een pinautomaat, een lastige opgave zo bleek. Drie rondjes verder vond ik dan toch een ING bank. Het gevoel in mijn handen en voeten was inmiddels helemaal verdwenen. Erg handig. Zo kon ik tenminste op mijn gemak op zoek gaan naar een broodje vlees.
Homokebabtent
Ongeveer zes jaar geleden heb ik een half jaartje in Zwolle gewoond en hoewel ik toen geen hardcore kebabofiel was, wist ik in ieder geval één tent richting mijn oude huis te vinden. Echter, de latente homofiel die toentertijd in de kamer naast mij woonde ging daar ongeveer drie keer per week eten dus eigenlijk had ik weinig zin om naar deze tent te gaan.
Het kebabvirus is ook in Zwolle aardig doorgedrongen merkte ik al snel. Onderweg naar die homotent kwam ik al twee anders kebabjoints tegen. Overal gluurde ik even door de ramen maar de prijs weerhield mij ervan ergens binnen te stappen. 4,50 is gewoon te veel geld. Nee, doe me dan maar een broodje slachtafval van twee euro. Veel beter.
Hoewel mijn lichaam inmiddels totaal gevoelloos was geworden bleken mijn hersens nog optimaal te werken. Ik kreeg al fietsend door de Dijkstraat ineens een wereldidee, de Holtenbronx! In dit verpauperde deel van Zwolle zit vast en zeker een goedkope kebabtent.
Stedelijke vernieuwing
Eenmaal in het ghetto aangekomen bleek ook hier de stedelijke vernieuwing te zijn doorgedrongen. De meeste oostblokflats hadden plaats gemaakt voor van die grijze eensgezinswoningen die tegenwoordig in elk achtergesteld stadsdeel te vinden zijn. Van de gevaarlijke achterbuurt waar de gangsterrapformatie Opgezwolle dikwijls over rapt is weinig meer over.
Gelukkig vond ik na een kleine fietstocht nog een oud stukje dat nog niet ten prooi gevallen was aan de vernieuwers. En zoals verwacht zag ik al van verre onderaan een oostblokflat van die typische winkeltjes. Een Turkse kapper, een Turkse supermarkt en jawel, een kebabtent.
En het was ook precies een kebabtent zoals je verwacht op zo’n plek. Neonreclame op het raam die meldt dat ze OPEN zijn. Zowel voor als achter de toonbank hangen wat gasten in winterjassen rond waarvan niet duidelijk is of ze er nou werken of niet. Iets te harde foute muziek. Televisie op een Turkse zender.
Dit moest hem worden. Hier betaalde je 4 euro per broodje. Had ik met mijn lange fietstocht door het ijzig koude Zwolle toch maar mooi 50 cent uitgespaard. En wat blijkt, ze doen hier aan studentenkorting. Zo betaalde ik uiteindelijk maar 3,50 voor mijn broodje.
Mijn broodje donner zag er niet onaardig uit. Goed gevuld. De helft viel eruit toen ik hem uit het bakte peuterde maar dat deerde niet. Sauzen kon je zelf regelen zodat ik gegarandeerd een constante stroom knoflook en sambal op mijn broodje kon gieten.
Alleen er mistte iets. Iets belangrijks zelf. Wat was het? Oh ja, smaak. Hoeveel knoflooksaus ik er ook op goot, het bleef smakeloos. Alleen de sambal wist mijn smaakpapillen iets te prikkelen. Verder was alles in orde, gevarieerde en verse sla. Goed broodje.
Choco nougat
Een kwartier later stond ik de rij bij de C1000 met een sixpack en een zak choco nougat. Ik moest tenslotte nog twee en half uur naar huis treinen.
Nippend aan mijn biertje en kauwend op een nougatblok zat ik op een stationsbank, de trein was uiteraard net als op de heenreis vlak voor mijn neus weggereden. En ineens besefte ik dat ik weer iets miste. Smaak. Het bier smaakte nergens naar en de nougat ook niet.
Wacht eens even, zou het misschien komen omdat ik strontverkouden ben? Terugdenkend aan mijn broodjes gebraden gehakt en shoarmarolade bedacht ik inderdaad dat ook die nergens naar smaakte…
Kortom, je hebt 846 woorden gelezen terwijl ik niet precies kan zeggen of de broodjes van Lezzet döner en pizza’s aan de Beethovenlaan 179 echt goed zijn. Ze zien er wel in orde uit in ieder geval dus ik denk dat het wel snor zit.
En mocht je trouwens in het centrum zijn en geen zin hebben om helemaal naar het ghetto te gaan. Op de terugweg zag ik in de Steenstraat, zijstraat van de Melkmarkt, een tent waar ze voor 2,50 kebab verkopen.
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