Zo, Bert; een kebabje van eigen deeg. Nu was ik eens eerst. Uiteraard, zoals ik in een eerder report al claimde was ik van plan om de Side te gaan recenseren. Vol passie smste ik: “Side! Nu!” naar een insider en sprong in de bus. Ik liep voorbij de King Fashion waar de fashion niet zo king is, voorbij de Natural Brazilian Hair Extensions die in essentie al nooit ‘natural’ kunnen zijn, in een rechte lijn door naar de Side. De kebabzaak die smachtend op een oordeel lag te wachten als een blozende moslima op haar nieuwe echtgenoot tijdens haar huwelijksnacht. In mijn hoofd ten minste.
Ik liep vrolijk naar binnen. Dit keer was het ver voorbij het middag uur namelijk, en mijn opwinding tolde in mijn hoofd net zo hard als hun spit dat had moeten doen. Ik vroeg op mijn opperbest om een broodje kebab… en kreeg EXACT dezelfde uitwisseling voor mijn kiezen als de vorige keer. “Shoarma?” “Nee döner alstublieft.” “Ik heb geen döner.” Waarom staat het dan op je kaart, lul?!
Ik droop af. Vol angst, woede, en wat nieuwe complexen omtrent verlatingsangst liep ik richting bushalte. Maar nee, ik had honger! Dan maar wat broedermoord en op naar Broodjes Fes. Om mijn favoriete doctor maar eens te quoten: “Fezes are cool!”
Bert had gelijk, deze zaak heeft het mooiste uithangbord van de straat, een prachtig kunststof spit.
Voor de zaak stond een jonge Turk een meid mee te delen dat als ze haar fiets daar zou neerzetten hij met een paar dagen verwijderd zou worden door de gemeente (sympathiek). Omdat hij daar zo druk mee bezig was had hij niet door dat ik naar binnen liep.
De zaak was simpel maar netjes. Een chique menukaart waar met wat tape de prijzen op geplakt stonden. €3,50 voor een broodje döner, in deze omtrekken erg schappelijk. Iet wat zorgwekkend; een leeg spit, maar wel een nette saladebar.
Binnen stond een wat oudere Turk met petje druk te werken. Toen hij me zag vroeg hij vriendelijk of hij me kon helpen en bij mijn verzoek om een broodje kebab werd de jongere Turk onmiddelijk naar binnen geroepen. De beste jongeman was vre-se-lijk nerveus en vroeg me: “Mag ik je wat vragen?” “Natuurlijk.” “Eh, nee, ik bedoel, kan ik je ergens mee helpen?” “Ja ik zou graag een broodje döner willen alsjeblieft!” Waarop de oude man er iets doorheen riep in het Turks, hetgeen op de klanken afgaande iets als: “Dat zei ik toch!” betekend zal hebben.
Eerst werd mij gevraagd of ik het geheel binnen wou opeten of mee wilde nemen. Afgaande op ervaringen bij een eerdere zaak die ik niet wéér bij naam ga noemen ging ik onmiddellijk voor ‘meenemen’. Er werd ergens een Turks brood vandaan getoverd, daar ging vlees uit de au bain marie in. Vervolgens kwam de vraag of ik sla wou. “Ja graag.” “Zal ik hem dan maar gezond voor je maken?” “Eh.. sorry?” Waarop de jongeman met een stukje tomaat zwaaide. “Oh ja, doe maar alles.” Waarop er zorgvuldig wat tomaat en komkommer op ging. De precisie deed me denken aan de man op de Dappermarkt met zijn pepertjes. Vervolgens kwam de vraag of ik ui wilde. Naar mijn idee valt dat nog steeds onder ‘alles’, maar ik zei maar “Ja.” Vervolgens kwam de vraag of ik sauzen wilde. “Ja alles.” “ALLES?” “Eh, ja.” “Ook pittig?” “Ja alles.” Waarop er vervolgens witte, gele en rode flessen gepakt werden. Ik werd meteen al angstig: zou er zometeen mosterd op mijn broodje gegooid worden? Maar nee. De jongen begon er knoflook op te spuiten, maar de hoeveelheid flessen bleken het resultaat van schaarste te zijn. Het waren allemaal knoflooksaus flessen, en ze waren allemaal leeg. Hij excuseerde zich en vulde er snel één bij. De knoflooksaus ging op het broodje (ik was nog wat bang voor de verdeling aangezien het er op het laatst pas bij ging, maar hij schudde vakkundig met het broodje om de saus overal te krijgen), en er werd mij NOGMAALS gevraagd of ik echt ‘pittige’ saus wilde. ‘Ja, echt!’. De jongen bleef me nerveus en verbaasd aan keken, maar vroeg me wel bij ieder product wat er op ging of het “Zo goed?” was en of ik misschien meer wou. Top!
Het broodje werd in aluminiumfolie gevouwen en in een tasje gedaan. Terwijl hij ze er bij deed riep de jongen: “Vorkje! En servetjes!” en gooide er een half oerwoud aan servetjes bij. Ik betaalde, wenste hem een fijne dag (die ik hem tegen die tijd ook echt toewenste) en liep de Straatweg weer op.
Oordeel?
Een goed, groot broodje dat alleen beter had kunnen zijn als het nog even onder de gril gegaan was. Veel vers groenvoer bestaande uit de standaard, maar smakelijke producten. Kippenvlees. Lekker romige knoflooksaus, en nauwelijks pittige sambal (serieus jongen, moest je me daar nou, zelfs TWEE keer, voor waarschuwen?!) die door het hele broodje terug kwamen. Verder helaas wel een slechte verdeling.
Vanwege de vriendelijkheid, de uitstekende zorg en relatief goede ingrediënten geef ik ze drie van de vijf schapen.
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