Ik zit in een kebabzaak annex bar (inclusief pompende clubmuziek) waar ze de kebab laten snijden door een robot. Ik weet even niet meer wie of waar ik ben of wat ik met mijn roddelflop aanmoet.
Waar was ik? In Jaffa, klaarblijkelijk een begrip in Rotterdam als ik mijn collega’s mag geloven. Jaffa is (zoals ze zelf trots adverteren) opgericht in 1979. De discovibes hebben hier de test der tijd duidelijk weerstaan. Om mij heen zie ik een strak interieur, discolampen, een bar en gebruik van een lettertype wat in Studio 54 niet zou misstaan.
Over de harde dogs-n-cats-dogs-n-cats-dos-n-cats-muziek heen schreeuwende, bestel ik een broodje kebab en een biertje bij een meisje met een kek knotje en knalroze lippenstift. Damages: €7,20 (€5 voor alleen het broodje). Ze vertelt me dat ik rustig kan gaan zitten, dan komt ze het me brengen. Terwijl ik zit zie ik de robot zijn ding doen.
Ja, ik weet het, verticaal filmen, slecht, alles. Ik stuur nummer B een appje.
Een mengelmoes van een kebabzaak en bar is natuurlijk ideaal voor de gemiddelde beschonken stappende Rotterdammer, besef ik me. Niets zo confronterend als dat moment om vier uur ’s nachts, als je je beseft dat je echt wat naar binnen moet werken. Je eindigt in een wit betegelde, TL-verlichtte shoarmatent waar het masker van de drank wegvalt en je de wereld in al zijn lelijkheid voor je bakkes krijgt. Dat zal je in Jaffa niet ervaren.
Binnen vijf minuten wordt mijn bestelling gebracht. Ik krijg mijn eigen flessen saus, een vers getapt koud glas Heineken en een chique bordje met daarop.. aiii, een pita kipkebab. Ik werk me eerst door een lading artistiek gesneden komkommer, tomaat, rode ui en ijsbergsla heen, alvorens terecht te komen bij de pita met vlees.
Hoewel de kip goed gekruid is, mis ik de toepassing van handwerk bij het snijden van de rol. Ik heb namelijk vooral vlees wat te lang geroosterd is. Het is dus niet mals maar knapperig. De knoflooksaus en sambal zijn prima maar ook niet spannend. De pita (god, dat er mensen dat nog durven te serveren bij kebab) was te lang geroosterd en dat was duidelijk te proeven. Ik laat de laatste happen van het broodje voor wat het is.
Als ik naar buiten loop, zie ik dat ik in het verkeerde deel zat. Jaffa heeft namelijk nog een zaak, direct naast hun Studio 54 locatie. Deze zaak doet veel meer denken aan een kebabzaak zoals we hem kennen; bruine tafels en stoelen, meerdere mensen aan het werk, en heeeey, meerdere kebabrollen die tevens bewerkt worden door robots.
Mijn collega’s vertelden me dat het in Rotterdam niet beter wordt dan Jaffa. Als je uitgaat en een nachtelijke kebabcraving hebt, kan ik me voorstellen dat je onder die illusie leeft, maar ik ben niet overtuigd. 2,5 schaap.
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