Ik zie niets in Nationale Kebab dag. Het is net zo iets als de Oktober festen. Het begint met een pot bier, maar in no time zit je in een lederhose schlagers te blèren.
Voor je het weet moeten we hier met een Volendammer kostuum inhaken en meedeinen op Jan Smit, terwijl zijn zus, begeleid door een accordeon, over-de-datum vleesbroodjes serveert.
Ik ga daarom voor Global Kebabs Warming Day – Dutch Chapter. Zo’n dag met opwarming van de moel, en met maximale knoflookdamp uitstoot. Met hier een bijdrage uit Halifax.
Nike? Ik haat het, een persoonlijk verhaal, maar toch. Ik haat het erger dan Sepp Blatter, Lance Armstrong een aangebakken kebab.
Nike Air is zo mogelijk nog erger: gebakken lucht die je de illusie geeft dat je aan sport zou kunnen gaan doen.
Als ik op Brunswick Street Donair op een gevel zie, is de eerste gedachte dan “been (th)Air Don that”. Dit is de meest verschrikkelijke verkrachting van het woord Döner tot nu toe.
Maar ik heb ook een nieuw woord geleerd dat in dit gebied wordt gebruikt: “Hangry“. Het moment dat je zoveel honger hebt, dat je er chagrijnig van wordt.And man, I’m hangry!!!
En dus toch maar naar binnen de Mezza die ook Pizza en Shawarma aanprijst. Het is geen Italiaan die aan bijvangst doet, maar een Libanees, die drie ferme rollen aan het draaien heeft. Ik ga voor de Donair Wrap, die ik ter plekke wil opeten, zonder frites.
De bestelling-opnemer en de voedselvouwer praten niet met elkaar, en dus wordt mijn eten in een ronde plastic bak geschept. Een plastic mes en vork, die te slap zijn om te kunnen prikken of snijden, worden bijgeleverd.
De sla lijkt zo van de krop gescheurd en daarna een beetje verkleind. Grote groene vellen zijn het resultaat. De komkommer is fris, de twee olijfjes wel lekker. De ui is marginaal en de beloofde tomaat is helemaal weg gelaten.
Dan is er een kor, die zo snel geplukt is dat het nooit een volwassen koriander heeft kunnen worden en die dus niets aan het product toevoegd. Mijn vraag om feta wordt beloond met twee theelepeltjes geraspte kaas, dus dat zie je niet meer terug, alleen in de prijs.
Mezza is er trots op dat je alle sauzen zelf maken. Ik heb geen idee wat voor een olieachtige doorzichtige vloeistof wordt toegevoegd, maar het resultaat is pittig op een aangename manier.
Daarnaast krijg ik een tweede plastic bakje met saus, die ik onnadenkend over het geheel uit stort. Het blijkt een zoete sinaasappelsaus te zijn, die gek genoeg niet eens verkeerd is.
Dan is er de vleesrol, een beef-ei rol. Nu is voor mij dat plakvlees nog steeds de Nike Air onder de vleesrollen, maar ik moet het ze nageven: perfect gebakken en goed gekruid.
De wrap is ook goed gebakken, maar verder slaat-ie nergens op. Veel te klein om iets in te vouwen en eigenlijk alleen te gebruiken als servet. Hij is zo op de plastic bak gevouwen dat je je handen schoon houdt als je het deksel los wrikt.
Mezza is een schone zaak, met een ruim aantal tafeltjes, maar ziet er verder uit of de keukenkant, los van de rollen, is overgenomen van de subway, en de klanten kant van restaurants die eerder over de kop zijn gegaan. Kortom alleen een plaats als je Hangry bent.
Twee schapen, met extra aftrek omdat ze te duur zijn.
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